Emotional Health-Why It’s Time to Get Uncomfortable.

Emotional Health-Why It’s Time to Get Uncomfortable.

Interestingly most displays of emotion seem to make us feel uncomfortable and when we don’t like the feelings that this produces, we tend to avoid, distract or bury them away never to see the light of day! The reality is that this can have a devastating impact on our overall health and wellbeing.  In 2023 Mental Health UK published that over 8 million people were living with an anxiety disorder. It’s time to put emotional health at the top of our agenda, challenge ourselves, be ruthlessly honest and be prepared to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

When experiencing strong emotions, we will have a physiological response as result of the autonomic nervous system’s reaction to those emotions. Think of exam nerves and the butterflies in our stomach or the sales pitch that we are about to embark upon and the need to pop to the loo at the eleventh hour! The autonomic nervous system controls our involuntary bodily responses and regulates our fight-or-flight response. It is believed that emotion helped us evolve and survive as humans throughout history, so they have an important role to play.

When we are not given the opportunity to identify and regulate our emotions, our autonomic nervous system (ANS) can become stuck in a hypervigilant state, and this can be why so many of us are experiencing sensations such as anxiety, stress and chronic pain conditions. Put simply, when we are unable to feel or express our emotions in the moment, they have nowhere to go and manifest as unpleasant physical sensations which we tend to reject and suppress because we simply do not feel safe.

Imagine this everyday scenario, played out millions of times across the globe.

Sally: Good morning, John. How’s it going? Good weekend?
John: Oh, fine thanks Sally, yes, a good weekend. I just hung out with the family!
Sally: I hear you are pitching to West9 later today?
John: Yes, that’s right, a couple of hours to pull the last few bits together and off we go!
Sally: Well good luck John!

Sadly, most modern cultures and environments do not encourage us to be emotionally “real”, this would mean a certain acknowledgement and display of vulnerability; there is fear attached to this, of appearing weak and subsequently being rejected. We are encouraged therefore to mask our true emotions, and we have all become masters at this, we all deserve an Oscar for the roles that we are playing! Because of this we carry so much unnecessary guilt, embarrassment and shame, the weight of this is making us unwell on an epic scale.

Let’s replay out our scenario where John can be honest and express himself freely without fear of judgement or shame. He is just a typical human after all, living a normal but emotionally complex life.

Sally: Good morning, John. How’s it going? Good weekend?
John: It wasn’t the best Sal, I am having some family problems at the moment. My Mum is seriously ill, and I am worried about her. It’s exhausting, especially as I am trying to be there for my wife and young family. It feels like a lot to juggle right now.
Sally: I am so sorry to hear that John, it does sound a lot. If you would like to talk about it some more, just let me know. I am aware that your team has the pitch with West9 later, anything we can do to spread the load?
John: Thanks Sal, another reason for maybe why I didn’t sleep well last night! I always get so nervous before pitches! I feel physically sick! I just need to give myself a couple of minutes to breathe.
Sally: I hear you on that John! You are not alone; you have a great team around you. Take it easy and do your best, it’s all you can ever do.
John; Thanks Sally, appreciate that.

Just now, John was able to express his emotions openly and honestly. Sally didn’t try to “fix” things for him, she was just there to listen, to hold the space and ensure that John was heard without judgement. When John shared his experience, he allowed himself to feel his emotions, to lean into his fear and frustration, he didn’t reject them. By going through this short and simple process John was able to calm and regulate his ANS and turn it into a much calmer and healthier state and all within seconds. Great work John!

Emotional health is about allowing what is arising for us or others in any given moment. To be less harsh or critical of ourselves when we feel the rise of emotions. We can all learn to prioritise our needs, giving us the time and space to fully process, express and release our held energy. This for me, is the pinnacle of good health and wellbeing. I have seen countless clients benefit greatly when they learn to practice this as a way of life.  What we believed was our greatest vulnerability and weakness is now our strength.

Who will stand with me when it comes to vulnerability, balance and healing?

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